The Seahawks and Cardinals managed to play a game that looked less like professional football and more like a Craigslist meetup gone wrong.
First Half: “Are We Sure This is the NFL?”
For most of the first two quarters, it felt like both teams were competing in America’s Got Punts. Drives stalled, plays fizzled, and fans were treated to a brand of football that could cure insomnia. The crowd noise was less “12th Man” and more “12th Person checking their fantasy team and crying.”
Seattle actually found the end zone at one point, but the refs decided that joy was illegal. Touchdown erased. Cue Jaxon Smith-Njigba unleashing a live-mic tirade that could melt steel. Forget HBO’s Hard Knocks—this was Soft Flags and Angry Receivers.
Cardinals: The Houdini Act
Arizona spent three quarters pretending they forgot how to football. Their offense was the sporting equivalent of trying to start a car with a dead battery: lots of noise, no movement. Then, with less than half a quarter left, they suddenly came alive—like someone finally handed them the Wi-Fi password. They clawed back, tying the game with 28 seconds on the clock. Cardinals fans got their hopes up, which is always their first mistake.
Refs & Chaos: A Love Story
The officiating deserves its own Netflix documentary. Holding calls appeared out of nowhere, and pass interference was treated like a suggestion, not a rule. At one point, it felt like the refs were running their own fantasy league and just making sure nobody scored too much.
Final 30 Seconds: The Comedy of Errors
Arizona, in their infinite wisdom, squibbed the kickoff short, gifting Seattle the kind of field position you only get in Madden when your little cousin is holding the controller upside down. Geno Smith didn’t need to do much—just a couple of completions and suddenly Jason Myers was lining up for a 52-yard, walk-off field goal. Boom. Game over. Cardinals collapse. Seattle celebrates like they just won a playoff game instead of surviving an NFC West clown fiesta.
The Takeaway
- Seahawks fans: relieved, but also wondering how a supposed playoff team nearly coughed it up to Arizona’s witness protection offense.
- Cardinals fans: questioning their life choices, their coaching staff, and probably the existence of God.
- Refs: probably still talking about how they “controlled the game flow.”
Final Verdict: This wasn’t football, it was a fever dream. The Cardinals showed up late to the party, spilled beer on the carpet, and still somehow had everyone’s attention until the Seahawks slammed the door in their face. Seattle survives. Arizona does what Arizona does best: remind us that hope is just the first stage of disappointment.